A light bulb in hands representing energy levels Featured

Different ways to change our energy levels

We all have days where we feel depleted, where we can’t be bothered to do anything or we’re a bit fed up. For some of us that feeling can go deeper and we can get really down, wanting to shut ourselves away, cancel plans and want to just hibernate. The longer we are in this state, the harder it can be to get out of it. Our head will join in often with negative thoughts to match why we are feeling low, looking for reasons, things or people to blame. We might get very critical of ourselves for not being productive and list all the things we should be doing. All of these things make us feel worse. Some of us will force ourselves to do things and hope it helps. Sometimes it really does help and we feel more energised and awake, other times it can feel like wading through sludge.

External factors play a huge role in how we feel, we get affected by things happening around us all the time. Think about when we wake up in the morning and look out of the window, if it’s cold, dull and rainy we usually sigh and won’t feel like getting up. If it’s bright and sunny, we feel much more inclined to get up and get out into the sunshine, or even just enjoy looking at it through the window. Our mood and energy levels are very affected by the environment around us.

We can’t change the weather or the world around us, but we can have a say in how it affects us. There are so many things we can try, we are all different so it’s important to find the things that work for us. The way we can tell what works is by taking note of the signs that our mood is low and our energy is flat.

Some signs you can use as a measure

  • Notice what your posture is like, is it slumped?
  • When you move your shoulders are they heavy?
  • How are you breathing?
  • If you think about walking outside, what response do you get?
  • What are you doing right now, how have you been behaving today?

Just get some things to act as a guide or measure so you can really tell if there is an improvement.

Now we can try a few things to change our energy levels:

You can sit or stand for this one. 

  1. Starting at you toes, with both hands begin to make circular movements in one direction, moving up your legs at what ever speed feels right, making circles all the way up to the top of your leg. Then do the same with the other one. If you’re uncomfortable touching your legs, then hover above them, making the same circular motion.
  2. Next, do the same circles with your hands but this time do it on your arms, begin at your hands and just travel up in spiralling circles all the way up to your shoulder. Make sure you do each side. Now just take a measure of how you feel.
  3. Next we’re going to reverse it, going back down to your legs, this time starting at the top and repeating the circular spirals all the way down to your toes. Do the same on the other leg.
  4. Then you’re going to reverse the arms by starting at your shoulders, making circular movements with your hands all the way down to your hand.
  5. Now just take a moment to notice if you prefer the upwards motion, or the downwards motion. If you have a preference, repeat that one.
  6. Next we can do something with our core energy. Sitting or standing, begin by imagining an invisible line from your belly button up to the top of your head. Using your awareness, follow the line starting at your belly button, follow it up to the top of your head and then move it out of your head. Speed this up and do this a few times.
  7. Now you’re going to reverse it. Imagine the line coming in from the top of your head and travelling down to your belly button, do this a few times.
  8. Notice what you feel, do you prefer going up or going down? Whichever one you prefer, go back to your starting point and this time instead of going straight, let your awareness make little spirals as it moves either up or down. Do it a couple of times and see if you prefer going straight or adding the swirls in.
  9. You can also trace these movements with your hands, allowing the hand to trace the line your awareness was following to see if there is a difference.
  10. We can move this out a little and do the same again, by imagining a line where your waist is, a few feet in front of you. Let your eyes and awareness follow this line from waist-height up and above your head. Do this a few times, speeding it up. Now reverse it and start at the top, trace it downwards, do this a few times.
  11. What is the difference, which one do you prefer?
  12. Now we can move it about a bit, going in the preferred direction instead of imagining a straight line in front of you. Let it go either up or down, making spirals as it moves. What works best?

If you notice that the upward-motion works best for you, then you are probably at the bottom of your window of tolerance and need to raise your energy or activation in your body. If the downward-motion is the best, then you may be near the top of your window and need to come down or ground a bit.

We can sweep our energy up or down with not much effort. We’re not the same every day, so try each one to see which one works best each time.

What’s important, is to actually have things that you can do to help you counteract the impact of what’s going on around you. The more you can work with your body to make changes, the less you have to be fearful of what’s going to happen next. The brilliant thing about body work is your body will tell you what works and what doesn’t, you don’t need to work it out, just try things. This will really help you listen to your body.

If you liked doing these, you can purchase our first body work course, where you will find so many different techniques to try so you can really get to know yourself and build a good relationship with your body.

Understanding an avoidant attachment, in a graphic Featured

Understanding an avoidant attachment

As with all the attachment styles, avoidant attachment forms depending upon how our physical and emotional needs were met.

We develop an avoidant attachment when our needs were consistently not met. This can be for a number of reasons. The carer may not have known how to respond due to a lack of confidence, they may have been very triggered by crying or other expressions of emotion and shut down. There may have been substance misuse or mental health issues which muted the responses. The carer may have been advised to not respond or not spoil the baby, this approach was well documented in the 70’s and unfortunately continued for years.

When a babies cries are not answered, if a young child gets no attention, if they are hurt or scared, then sending out a distress signal does not work. These children have to find some other way of dealing with their distress themselves, therefore developing coping mechanisms. Some get very used to self soothing, rocking themselves to settle down. Some get attached to a toy or blanket, basically using something in their external world to help soothe whatever distress they are feeling. Another way they cope is to just shut down their needs, cut off from feelings and not show any outward sign of distress. All of these coping mechanisms serve a purpose but have consequences for emotional well being.

The main difference between an avoidant and an an ambivalent attachment style is consistency. With avoidance, the lack of attention or care was consistent. There is no point having adaptive behaviour if there is no response coming.

What does an avoidant attachment look like?

Children who learn to self soothe develop a high level of self-reliance. So then as adults, they learn quickly that the only people they can depend on is themselves. They will get so used to doing things for themselves it barely occurs to them to seek help.

  • They can have issues with authority as they are used to making decisions for themselves.
  • They can be very particular about the way they like things done and hate their routines being broken. These children can be labelled as oppositional, when in effect they are just used to being solely in charge of themselves. It can feel quite threatening if they feel someone else wants to take their control away, as it’s been their main source of survival.
  • As they grow up they can be seen as inflexible or controlling, they often have one way of doing things and it may never occur to them that there might be other ways. This can be a difficult learning curve when interacting with others.
  • For the children who learn to shut down and minimise their needs and feelings it can be a lonely and disconnected existence. We can’t discriminate between the feelings we want to cut off from and the ones we like, we cut off from both the negative and positive. Of course, there are degrees of cutting off but in the extreme.
  • Children and adults with an avoidant attachment find it difficult to connect with others. They also find it difficult to read expressions and gauge moods.
  • They find social situations overwhelming and confusing, as the rules of engagement can seem like a mystery. In groups they may watch others and learn the rules that way, however, if there is a sudden change in activity or emotion within the group, they don’t pick it up and can seem out of step with everyone else.
  • They will probably prefer isolation to group events and can come across as rude or overly blunt.
  • Growing up they find regulation difficult and tend to rely on external things for regulation.
  • They can come across as controlling, as they may need things to be a certain way in order for them to feel safe or calm.
  • They might always be a different body temperature to others, needing windows open when everyone else is cold. This is because body temperature is part of our regulation system, if we are very disconnected we don’t get reliable messages from our body, or our temperature control is offline.
  • They may have a high pain threshold, as they don’t feel and register pain. They may have bumps and bruises they don’t recall getting.
  • They can also be quite hurtful to others, but be completely at a loss as to why they have caused offence. Empathy is a connected felt sense, they may seem cold and uncaring but in fact it’s just a lack of empathy.

People with a very pronounced and dominant avoidant attachment style can be misdiagnosed with Aspergers or Autism quite easily. The ability to detach and avoid also displays itself through behaviours. As the title would suggest, they are experts at sidestepping and avoiding difficult emotional situations. They don’t even have to try, it’s like automatic guidance system. Anything they are likely to find difficult, a radar will go off and they will skilfully avoid it, purely because they know they do not have the means or capacity to deal with it.

As with all the attachment styles, we can relearn different ways of doing things. We can awaken our physical and emotional feelings, and widen our window of tolerance to cope. This attachment style also has it’s advantages; it means we have people who are much more likely to meet others needs rather than their own, or we have people who can go through really difficult experiences and come through relatively unscathed.

As with all the others, it’s only a problem if it gets in the way of living the life you want, in the way you want to.